Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
