I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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