Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
