Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
