I wish my penis had an off switch
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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