I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize