forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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