I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
