My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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