the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
