1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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