i wish peter jackson would direct porn
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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