At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
