I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
