i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
