why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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