he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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