apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
