I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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