My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
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