The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
