Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
