I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
