Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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