FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
