I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
