Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
