That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
