pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
