david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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