I can't breathe out the right side of my face
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
