my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
