Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
