YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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