life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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