OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
