Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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