I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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