so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
