i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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