Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
