it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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