2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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