I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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