i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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