I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
