I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
