no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
