you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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