Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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