My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
