mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize