ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
