The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
