does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
