Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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