You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
