doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
