Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
worst night to have a conscience
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
