The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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