so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I need to calm my uterus...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
