When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
