and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
