Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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