one two three fourrrrnication!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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