I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
