Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
