you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
