I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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